Calm in the Storm

Everybody has their way of handling stress differently. Each person has their own way of handling unexpected catastrophes. Some people handle the unexpected well and others, not so well. Some people handle bad news well and others do not. Some people handle everyday stress well and others allow themselves to get in a panic. Surely you have met that person that always seems to be scattered, running late, missing something, not sure where they are going, frustrated about some kind of details, or just plain flustered. Have you ever met a person that no matter what every little thing is a huge thing? Several people come to my mind. When I think of these people I think about what is missing and what causes their lives to always seem so chaotic. On the other hand, I can think of several people who seem to constantly have a calmness about them. No matter what life throws at them, they remain constant and steady. Wow. What an attribute to have. One of those people that sparks my memory is my favorite, and only sister-n-law, Beth. I cannot hardly remember a time when she has raised her voice, panicked, seemed frightened, out of sorts, off kilter, or chaotic. Beth has always, to me, seemed to be in a constant state of serenity and peacefulness. Another person coming to my mind is my dear grandmother Lena. I have written about her before. This woman is one of the most amazing women I have ever come across in my life. Not only has she endured the passing of her best friend and soul-mate, but she has conquered so many other hurdles. Various cancers, a couple of heart attacks, two hurricanes, one major, Katrina, a very long battle with Shingles that is still going on, and high blood pressure could not knock this amazing woman down! She never panicked, never wavered, never got off kilter. She remained constant and steady. Another person coming to mind is my mother-n-law Mary Susan. She has also overcome some hurdles in life to include a hip replacement and soon to be another. She lost her only sister about five years ago to cancer. There are other various private matters that would have had others feeling sorry for themselves or using them as excuses to not move forward. However, my mother-n-law has chosen to remain steady and calm. My brother Dan, same thing. Not too many times can I recall him losing his cool. He does not jump to conclusions or alarm easily. He takes his time in evaluating the situation and then calculating his move. My pastor's wife, Cynthia, she is the same, steady, calm, quiet, and constant. All of these people have a belief in God and faith in God that encompasses trust and serenity. They all rely on God through prayer and believe in Him to answer. All of these wonderful people are compassionate, loving, patient, calm, thoughtful, and insightful.

When I first found out that my husband had decided he needed to join the war on terror I was not thrilled. We had just married and were beginning our lives. I had been through basic training. I had an idea of what the life would be like. Yet, I had NO idea what our lives were going to be like. I was scared and honestly, a little bit angry. Quite honestly, I was very selfish. I did not want my very new husband going off to war and leaving me and possibly getting killed. My first reaction was, NO! I quickly realized I was being childish and very selfish so I went to the Lord in prayer. I asked God to show me how to accept my husband's decision and wishes. I asked God to show me how to support him and asked for protection over him and my daughter and myself. I also asked for protection over our marriage. I asked God that if it was not what my husband was supposed to do that He would please close every door and make it obvious. If it was the right thing, I asked Him to make it extremely smooth, and to open wide all the doors necessary. Indeed, it was the right path.
Has life been peaches and cream since he entered the military? Of course not. I will tell you this, God has sustained me through the entire way. We have encountered numerous unexpected challenges. We have moved several times, within the same city. We have had several miscarriages. We have experienced the loss of a loved one while he was away at basic training. We have experienced the loss of friends in combat. We have experienced friends getting injured in combat. We have experienced close family members getting ill several states away while we could not be there. We have experienced our children being ill and hospitalized, not knowing what the outcome would be. I have experienced some medical problems lately that we are still unsure of where they will lead us. Having four kids will create uncertainty and unexpected circumstances. We have experienced broken bones and emergency room visits, mostly while my husband was on mission. We have experienced serious car accidents on the road involving friends or church members. We just happened to be passing by. Sometimes, we did not know the people at all. We had somewhere to be, but we stopped. It was not planned, it was not written on our schedule or the to-do list. But it was on God's. I have dealt with three of our children having the flu all at once and totally stopping our lives for eight days. We have dealt with Hero being gone and coming home over and over again. We have accepted just hearing his voice is perfectly good enough. While we would rather put our arms around him, we accept that hearing his voice means that he is still alive and safe. We have accepted that we may not celebrate every holiday together or at the same time the rest of the country does. We have accepted that we may not have a whole lot of money but we are doing what we feel like is the right thing. How? How do we do it? How do I survive everyday without my husband? How do I survive everyday alone with four kids and still maintain my sanity? How can I live so many states away from my family and survive in a strange place alone?
God. My relationship with God is the only answer. The same thing that gave all of those people I mentioned in the beginning a steady ground, is the same thing that gives me strength and peace to carry on. I realize that my husband will definitely come home a changed man. The things he will experience and see will most definitely change him. He may possibly come home physically changed from combat wounds. Or, God forbid, he may come home never to breathe again with an American flag draped over his body. I may answer my door one day to two gentlemen I do not know telling me that my husband was killed in combat. Or, he may come home having injuries that will leave him permanently changed and needing my help. How will I handle that? Will I be steady and calm? Will I be able to be strong for my kids? I trust that I will through the faith that I have in my God. This was once tested through the Jehova's Witnesses that came to my door that I thought were military men coming to announce my husband's death. You'll have read that story. But I actually had mentally processed that my husband had been killed.
We are very open and honest with our kids. We do not lie to them about what daddy does or where he is going or how long he will gone. They understand the risks and the dangers. We pray over him before he leaves. We pray for him every day, several times a day, for his protection, mental clarity, rest, peace, courage, faith, and so much more. The kids' prayers are actually quite graphic that some of you might not be able to handle it. We do not tell our kids myths about what he is doing or where is he as this just creates confusion and doubt. No, we are honest with them and back it up with prayer and God's word. We let them know that there are bad guys out there and that daddy is very brave and wants to make sure they don't come to our house. We let them know that daddy is fighting because he wants to and because it is right. We pray that God will heal the hearts of the bad guys. The kids have painted their own picture frames and put a picture of daddy and them in it. So they each have their own. They talk to daddy in the picture and kiss him good-night. The baby carries around one of his old cell phones and anytime she wants to say something to him she pulls it out and talks to him. They write him letters all the time and I mail them. They know the names of the countries of where the bad guys are and where daddy works. We prepare them way ahead of time that he will be leaving. I do not however, let them know when he will be coming home. I do not even get that privilege!
Having four kids and a husband in the special operations command is an exciting life and I would not trade it for the world. I am so very proud of what my husband does. He is great at his job. He is a great husband and father. This certainly makes it easier. I do face times when I get frustrated or down. Sometimes I lose my cool. More than I'd like to say. I rely heavily on prayer, constant communication with God, and reading God's word. I also write my husband a lot via e-mail, understanding that he will not get to respond nearly as much. Not having time for too many close, personal relationships, I am very particular about who I let in. God has blessed me with a keen sense of discernment. I'll admit I take on way too much. I believe that is probably to help the time pass and keep my mind busy so as not to dwell on all of the "what-if's". I love the thought that when you are feeling down you should do something for someone else. It works. Doing things for others truly blesses you way more than the other person.
I have made a very good friend, her name is Marolyn. She and I recently had a conversation about living a life focused on Christ. I was so excited to see how much she and I agreed on this. It seems that so many other women are not living this. It saddens me to know this, especially for the women who are mothers. We will be held accountable for how we raise our children. Marolyn and I both agreed on this. We also agreed that a self-centered life is one not centered on Christ. How can we possibly reach out to those around us if we are focused on self and not others? We are called to share God's word with those around us. If we are only concerned with what is going on in our lives and with our hurts, then we are not sharing God's word. More importantly, in the military life, the possibility of death is more real. When soldiers are killed in combat, the first thought that crosses my mind and another good friend's mind, Danielle, is did they know God? Will they go to heaven? Are we doing our job? Are we sharing God's love like we should be? Are we praying for others like we should be? What about prayer? When someone shares a need with you, do you ever tell them, I will be praying for you? What if we stopped right there and took a few moments to stand with that person and pray with them? How much more effective would that be? So today, I challenge you to share God's message with at least one person. I also challenge you to respond immediately if someone shares a need with you. Stop right there and pray with them. Let's be steady and constant. Let's be salt to the rest of the world. Let's be a source of strength and calmness in the storm. Let God work through us. May you find this uplifting and encouraging.
May God bless you and may God bless America. May God bless the Soldiers, killed, wounded, and healing.